I've been told that I don't write in my blogger nearly enuf,..I never realized that my blogger was storytime for my friends,..I don't see why,..there isn't much going on in my life,..

So,...I've been having really shitty luck since the beg. of the semester,..things didn't start out well (what with nana's death and all) and things have just been happening, one after the other since then,...my ipod erased all my music from 5 years of collecting it on my old computer, my harddrive got corrupted and I lost EVERYTHING (nothing was backed up, ofcourse), I got a stress fracture in my hand, I stepped on a stilleto heel when I was attempting to clean my room and now I have this painful swelling on the bottom of my foot, I burnt something in my kitchen and had to throw out the pan and the utencils I was using for cooking, my ceiling in my bedroom is leaking, my mind is occupied with relationship issues, I am RIDICULOUSLY behind in classes and really upset about that b/c these exams are in a few days,..and I miss nana,..so much.

I'm been quite down lately and I've tried different things to improve my mood but somehow I still don't feel so incontrol of the situation,..it's a struggle for me to accept these bad things and just either forget them or not let them affect me,...

So last night i picked up Umbar from the philly airport,..her flight came in too late so she stayed the night and is leaving today,..Dilip and Shabnam went with me to philly to get her and while we were waiting for her flight, we went to Saad's and had some great Halal food,..then we went back to my place and everyone who hadn't met my sister last time she came wanted to meet her so Kam, Abby, Oomer, Shabz, Dilip, Danesh and Sarah came over and we just talked and chilled till 1am ish,..They all really like my sister and she really liked them (ofcourse naturally she had her opinions about everyone) but it was nice for her to have finally met all my friends here,..

Anywayz,..I'm late to anatomy,..again,...

+ H.U.M.A. @ 10:11 AM

this week was intense,..

i actually have managed to be a big girl in anatomy and dissect 'Patel Sahab' (dilipsaradaneshhuma) <-lab group. It's really eerie and gross but very interesting,.anatomy was always one of my biggest fears so im glad i am tackling it,..

I need to get outta here,...it's a long weekend and i'm so behind but i can't bring myself to be productive

went to Saad's with kamrulgeorgeoomer last nite then they came over and we just talked/chilled/nargeelahed till pretty late,...I don't understand y some people say the things they do,...is it just a challenge or something more?

I miss him so much it's insane =*(

+ H.U.M.A. @ 2:30 AM

The past 72 hours have been like a dream,..I can't believe what happened and at times I find myself getting lost in my thoughts of the past,..watching my nana 's coffin getting slowly lowered down deep into the earth, hearing dua's being repeated over and over while my sister squeezes my one hand, my cousin squeezing the other to hold back tears. The 300+ roses being carefully placed on top of his grave b/c he loved the smell of fresh flowers,...
It was heartbreaking to watch 94 year old Thaiyabu throw mud into his grave, the grave of his best friend, his only friend in the USA, as tears streamed down his face. It sends chills thru my body just thinking about it.

I can't believe I will never be able to look into those eyes again, hear that sound of him clearing his throat, talking to him about Pakistan and politics, watching the discovery channel with him, smelling that cologne,..everything.

His presence in the house is undeniable,..his shoes are sitting in the hallway where he left them, everything on his desk is neatly placed b/c he was such a meticulous, organized man,.never saying or doing anything unecessary. He was not a very talkative man but when he spoke it was always words of wisdom, imparting his knowledge to all those around him. I am going to miss him so much, I can't even believe he is gone.

When his body was brought into the Islamic Center,...the coffin completely covered with a blanket of roses lying on top of large blankets with scriptures from the Quran and on top of all of that, Usman's letter that he had written,..'Dada go to Jaanat',..we all just completely lost it,..men, women, children,...everything,..my sister and I were sitting and nani's feets just weeping,..the tears and the pain coming from deep within us. Seeing his face, looking so peaceful 'n' beautiful,..My God,...I pray that Allah (swt) makes space for him in heaven,...I feel so lost.

+ H.U.M.A. @ 1:26 AM

I can not even begin to comprehend or comes to terms with what is going on,..the whole thing is so surreal,..I sit here with tears streaming down my face, hearing my beautiful mother weeping in the arms of all my dad's sisters who flew in late last nite for the Janazah today,..my nani is sitting in her room where I just came from,..she cried in my arms,.'mein kya karo',..how could he leave me, my whole life he kept me in his thoughts,..it breaks my heart,...
The men have gone to wash the body,..my grandfather,..that wonderful, intelligent, loving man,..the man whose hand i was holding just a few days ago and who was telling me that I better come back Friday,..I miss him so much,..I feel so sick to my stomach,.I haven't slept in 3 days,.haven't eaten,.and have been crying since 4:30am thursday morning,..I feel so lost,.......

The number of people that came to our house yesterday to pay their respects is a testiment to how many lives he touched,...there were sooo many people,...sooo many tears,..I know he is in a better life,..but I can't stop thinking,.how could he leave us? I'm so completely numb

+ H.U.M.A. @ 10:16 AM

I am a horrible person,..I already broke one of my key New Year's Resolutions,..What is wrong with me? =*(

+ H.U.M.A. @ 8:18 AM