I'm going to take my last exam of the week in about 15 minutes. I am exhuasted. I have barely slept all week, I'm sick and on top of that, fasting really drained me this week. I slept for 15 minutes last night and have been at school since 330am. I pray to God I am alter during the exam and I do well.
So many things have been going on in my life as of late. It has been really great getting to know my friends here on a deeper level. I've started to feel really close to some people, 2 or 3 in particular, and I find myself feeling a lot more comfortable with my environment.
The Iftar last night was nice. I finally met Abie (Mo's), and I met Farhad who graduated last year from the school and is now doing residency for surgery. It was so nice sitting and chatting with fellow future physicans. Kam and Oomer are hilarious. 'Sharing a slice of pizza, but we gotta make sure that we ask for extra cheese',.lol. Spent almost all week with Sarah which was really nice.
I'm going home today after Jumma (if I have the energy to go), and then I am coming back tomorrow to move into my new apartment which I am really excited about.
I just need to get thru the next 3 1/2 hours,..God help me.
+ H.U.M.A. @ 8:34 AM
Even thou my blocks start monday (crap!) I took the day off and had a really great day after a loooong time. Went to Jumma w/ Kmack. The Kutbah was great. Then ran into Oomer and we chatted a bit and made plans for iftar. Mohammed came over and we chatted for a bit (he told me the whole deal w/ Abbie). It was nice getting to know him and learning about his family and his thought process.
Then went to philly to go to saad's w/ Kam and Oom but it is closed during ramadan =( so we went to kababish (pakistan restaurant, voted the best in philly). The chicken and mango lassi were yummmmy. Then we went to Starbucks and met up with Anand and Rick and Inna. That was cool talking doctor talk. Since I decided at that pt. to blow off the nite, we went to hollywood video's and rented Man on Fire to watch it at my place. We went back to my place and Javid came over. We ate (again) and chatted for a bit then watched the movie (which was pretty damn good!)
Everyone really liked my apartment and the way i furnished it (maybe i shud do interior design and scratch this whole med school bit) =P
Kam wrote: you are the perfect match of brains and beauty
Oomer wrote: It was great NOT getting to know you,.i hope that we 'dont know' eachother well after 4 years,..
Danesh wrote: I'd convert to Islam for u ANY day
Sarah wrote: Woman, we are going to get honors in all our exams next week,.just watch!
Dilip wrote: Thanx gurl,..ps-when you cooking for me?
hmmm,..i luv my friends here
All in all,..and EXTREMELY unproductive yet satisfying day =)
God please help me do well on my 4 exams this week,..aaaaaaah!
+ H.U.M.A. @ 2:31 AM
I hate that it scares me sooo much and my way of dealing with my fear is to say negative things. Why am I so scared? Have I fallen so deep that I can't imagine my life any other way? How did it happen so fast? And why the hell do I become so negative when the truth is my feelings and thoughts are actually completely opposite of what I jokingly say? It's sad. Who knew that I could ever meet someone who could affect my life in such a way,..who knew I could ever find such strength in another person.
I couldn't imagine my life w/o them it,..I honestly couldn't. 'If I was to lose you, it would be like losing a family member b/c I care about you the way I care about the people in my family'-that right there,..that was enough for me,....
What the HELL am i doing? UMBAREEN HELP ME!!! Keep me grounded and focused and stop me from,.......So help me God, I will do the right thing.
+ H.U.M.A. @ 1:31 AM
Today is Nik's 22nd bday. My little girl is growin up so fast and I'm not there to see it happen =(
Trying to get on top of my 'ish. Rather than feeling overwhelmed,..I'm going to stay calm and try to push it thru for the next 2 weeks of intensity.
So many thoughts running thru my head:
What's his deal? don't wanna talk about it now,..who are u?
Mo,..hmmm,...am I imagining things or,....That OM lecture cartoon wz soooo wrong,..damn!
Should I say yes to the meeting or am I asking for unecessary complications,..and just what if?
It's annoying how these is so much emphasis on the stupid site,...taken for granted?
It's funny how it's ok for them to go there but not me,...i HATE double standards
I'm not a child,..do not reprimand me.
It's not looking pretty anymore and it bothers me that I don't have enuf motivation to make it look the way it should,..ugh.
pin#,..count down 2,...1,.....143.
+ H.U.M.A. @ 7:50 PM
Somebody who I love very much and is very dear to me asked me a somewhat personal Q a few days ago. Thinking back on it, i'd have to say 'yes,' I also definitely think we'd have.
Man, I honestly think I'd be a crazy girl if I wasn't born as a Muslim. Islam really regulates my life and keeps me in check. I don't even wanna fathom the crap I would have done had it not been for the limits imposed on us as Muslims ::shudder::
Still stressed like crazy but I went to philly on saturday and spent the day with my best friend who I haven't chilled with in a really long time, just walking around and eating some amazing Philly Cheese Steaks. I think that was the first time since I've been at Med school that i've truly been at peace with myself bc I was able to set aside my life as a student, even if it was only for a day. It meant more to me than u will ever know.
Went to see a movie saturday night with some other friends,.i think it was called, the forgotten? it really had potential,.too bad it wasn't scary AT ALL. But atleast I finally saw a movie down here so i'm happy about that.
I don't know what to do about the whole florida situation. It's really bugging me and I need to figure this out really soon b/c he is running out of time.
Mixed signals,....
+ H.U.M.A. @ 7:30 PM
The good times that made us laugh
Outweighed the bad.
I thought we'd get to see forever
But forever's gone away
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday
I don't know where this road
Is going to lead.
All I know is where we've been
And what we've been through
If we get to see tomorrow
I hope it's worth the wait
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday
And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday
And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday
+ H.U.M.A. @ 10:19 AM
A lot has happened in the past weekish or so. First off, I went to Boston which was a pretty big thing in itself because I had had no intention of going but something just urged me to go and b/c I always act on my impulses (which is not necessarily a good thing) I found myself in boston late thursday night. It took 8 hrs to get there b/c I had to drive Dilip to Umass. Amherst. I convinced him to come along for the ride b/c I didn't want to go alone since no one really knew I was going except for a few people here. I feel kinda bad that I didn't directly tell my mom that I was going but we have discussed me planning to take a drive up to boston one of these weekends and she was totally cool with it. I think she realizes that I need some things in my life to keep me sane and being in Boston definitely is one of those things.
It was great being back and seeing everyone. It was nice surprising my friends and being greeted with open arms and warm smiles. I loved being back on campus, going to the Brew and getting some luv from my ladies, sleepin in my room in the MU (thank you nik for hosting me) and doing the lil things that were so common during my undergrad like going to DokBua, Daba, Halligan =),.etc,...
I was really glad that Muz decided to come. Even thou I only got to spend a few hours with him, his presence definitely made the weekend complete for me.
As great as it was being back, there was something completely different. With the school year having started and everyone sooooo busy with their own thing, I felt a bit out of place,...but I guess it was inevitable,..not belonging anymore to a place that I used to consider 'home' and friends I considered 'family.'
Im not sure if I will ever love a place and feel so truely at home as I did in Boston,..I guess only time will tell.
Been a bit down these days but Im not sure why,..well, I kind of know some of the reasons but not all. I find myself consistantly overwhelmed and never feeling like I accomplished my goals for the day. Work piles on and before you know it you find yourself a week behind in all classes. How the hell do people manage to stay on top of their game?
Another thing that is bothering me is that I've started doing things that I've always tried to avoid, as a way to deal with issues and express myself. This is not me. If I don't recognize the changes that are occuring and make an effort to avoid doing such things, I will lose myself.
The same things and people that used to make me so happy and at ease don't have the same level of effect on me anymore. It used to be such a comfort knowing that there was always certain people and certain activities that would raise my spirits but that is just not the case anymore. I'm not blaming it on med. school at all. I just think that I'm slowing floating back down to reality and recognizing the realities of life.
There are 3 (3.5) people right now. The half is a pretty big stretch but it is still a factor. Then there is 3 that is also kind of out there but definitely something to consider. 2 im still trying to figure out and then there is 1. Still 1.
Mohammed Islam is teasing me while I'm trying to write my blogger. He is a good guy, extremely talented.
Everyone is trying to get me to go to Aapi semi-formal in Chutney Manor in mid-jersey tonite. It is a semi-formal for the 3 medical school in new jersey. Madddd heads are going (faisal and his friends might even be there). I really want to go but something is holding me back.
FknA,....
+ H.U.M.A. @ 11:41 AM