In the computer lab with Roy (MS-II), Javid (MS-II), Sarah (MS-I), Inna (MS-II), Dalal (MS-II), and Rick (MS-II). Trying to learn this biochem crap. Bleh. Spent last nite learning EKG's. It's actually pretty interesting,..I might even go into Cardiology but we'll c. Muz and I were talking about going to Boston but it is literally impossible for me to find the time to make the trek up there or anywhere for that matter. It's weird how weekends always used to be the time to relax and kick back, well that is just not an option nemore thou I have started to going to the gym to improve my spirits and give me energy.

Been thinking a lot about them. It's nice to meet new people and get to learn new things about others but at the same time, there is comfort in knowing about the person you c0uld potentially end up with. I don't know why I've been focusing so much on this whole engagement, meeting someone, marriage bit. I think it's bc im kind of lonely right now. Granted, my friends here are great but I feel like that special connection with someone is missing and I long for it. It's hard being alone here and not having that one person to lean on esp. in such an intense situation as this. I envy the people with bf/gf's who are in the area. As for the long distance people, I feel bad for them,...so many of them have ended their relationships claiming that it is tooo hard.

I miss the MU. I miss Nik coming into my room and us ordering food and eating it while watching a movie during which Muz comes in and eats our food and then Neel and Sunny and Zaid come upstairs to watch with us. I miss going to Gillian's and pretending like the guys are including us in the game. I miss bowling with my baby D and both of us just straight up sucking. I miss my random deep convo's with Amir that no one knows about. I miss Usman's sarcastic AS HELL sense of humor and the assurance that he brings to any situation. I miss confessing shit to Kat and us going back and forth sharing stories behind the counter and the Brew. Oh i miss the Brew. I HATE how none of that will ever be again, or atleast not the same.

I'm in a straight up slump and I need to get happy soon,..or else.

+ H.U.M.A. @ 11:16 PM

'See it's burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just
I feel like this is coming to an end
And its better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn

I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Plus theres so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn

I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry'-Usher (Burn)

I heard this song soo many times today that part of the lyrics stuck in my head.

Went to philly tonight with Dalal, Javid, Lamont, Khariyyah, Omer and Kamrul. It was actually pretty chill cuz we all piled into my minivan (atleast it is useful for something) and drove on into the city. It's only like 15-20 minutes away and it is a beautiful city. I really hope to get a chance to explore it b4 it gets too cold.

Mad stressing about the new block bc i got raped on the last one. No joke. I need to figure out a better way to study and i need to relax.

I've been missing some people so much lately that it's been tough to get thru these past few days,......

+ H.U.M.A. @ 1:43 AM

I'm not sure why I am even taking up time to write in my blogger but I just needed a break. It's 630pm and I've been in school since 8 am and I plan to be here till around fajr and then do the same thing tomorrow night. I'm burnt out and it's only bee 1 1/2 months of school. College is a freakin' pathetic excuse for a joke compared to grad. school. Damn.

I'm so tired and I have been sleeping/eating like crap and not exercising. I know that I won't be like this for long, I just need to get used to this new life and new routine but it's mad intense. On top of that, I have a LOT going on in my head. Why, now of all times, am I thinking about my relationships and people in my life and how I feel about them?

I live at the school. I eat here, sometimes sleep here and spend almost every waking hour here. Granted it's a beautiful school and Im not the only one here but is this what the next 2 yrs of my life is gunna be? Dalal, Javid, Rick, Lamont, Khariyyah, and Steve wanna take me around to see Philly after my blocks are over but I can't even think that far ahead.

On a better note, I adore my new friends, both in my grade and above me. Everyday I meet new people and become more comfortable with the area (thou I still run to my apartment from the parking lot when I go home really late at night,..me and my paranoid self).

I was on the phone for a REALLY long time last night (waste of time, damnit). I spoke to azz b/c I hadn't spoken to him in months cuz he wz in Pakistan. Then I spoke to Muz for a bit and then I had an intense convo with a friend here. Straightened up some misconceptions.

I still miss Boston, a lot. I love the fall time in Boston,..the breeze, the nights,..being in the MU,..::sigh::

I miss my beantown friends as well. I was planning to trip up in October but God knows how its gunna happen.

I think I looked at slides for almost 15 hours this weekend. My head is killing me.

I still think of you, everyday,...no matter where you are or where I am,...you still come to me in my thoughts'n'my dreams,...I miss u 'n' no matter what happens,...you will always have a place in my heart,...forgive me for what's to come.

+ H.U.M.A. @ 6:17 PM

It's been a while since Ive written. In that time Ive been to Chicago and back, had several incredibly hard exams, got into a car accident, hung out with my new friends, met some really nice people and uhm,...

I just took 2 exams back to back and now Im taking a break. Im freakin' exhausted and stressed out like what. Physio and Histo are gunna rape me (hopefully not). I really love it here but this is a lot more than I had expected and I was expecting quite a lot.

Isna was nice but to be honest, I enjoyed seeing my friends more than I did the conference itself. But, it was also great seeing family and old friends (as well as some sketchballs).

Ive learned a lot more about myself from being here. Ive learned that I am alot more dependent on people and need to be close to people in my life. I always considered myself a loner and while I do still enjoy my alone time, I find myself being drawn to people and immersing myself in gatherings.

My class is like one big family. We love eachother and look out for eachother. It is as if we've known eachother for years when in reality it's only been a lil over a month.

I hate that I don't have time to do the lil things that I used to enjoy, especially talking on the phone to my friends. That used to be one of my favorite pasttimes and a source of comfort but literally, my day goes from 8-5 class, 5 to like 2am doing work and trying to stay on top of things (which Im n0t). I got really upset on Saturday but a 'ol friend gave me some friendly, objective advice.

I love the upperclassmen. I love being around them and hanging out with them. They are sooo chill. They are COMPLETELY different from my friends in Boston and my friends near home but it's a nice change (not to say that I don't think/talk about Boston 5x's a day) ::sigh::

Car accident,...no energy to get into it now. Need to start studying. I'll write more later (if I have the time).

Wawa (like store 24/7-11) is like my new second home,..that's just SAD as hell.

+ H.U.M.A. @ 2:01 PM

ISNA is 2 days,..I am really looking foreward to going but at the same time, it's bad timing w/ regards to how much work I have to do but then again, in med/grad school, is there ever a 'good' time to take off? I actually managed to do ok on both of my exams, biochem and physio (thank God). But, as the upperclassmen have said, 'enjoy the first b/c every exam from then on is going to rape u',...lovely.

I've gotten really tight with a lot of people, both in my grade as well as the upperclassmen. Im actually really happy here and while the 8-5/6pm everyday and then doing work till late night isn't exactly the most exciting life, I wouldn't want it any other way right now.

How the hell do people learn all this stuff? My God there is soo much to learn about the body and medicine.

Saw my first cadaver last night. Saw the Anatomy lab light on last nite so I asked L'mont to take me in and sure enough there was a woman all wrapped up in plastic and a towel and u could see blood on the towel. Because we don't have anatomy till 2nd semester, that cadaver was the only 1 in the lab and it was for a research group. Apparently next semester there will be 30-40 cadavers in the room on tables for the whole semester, the thought alone freaks me out. So, I slowly walked up to the cadaver and I was so nervous. The room was so cold and all metallic. Then, Rickinder (Rick) and Javid came in, turned off all the lights in the room and made some shreaking sound and I freaked out! ok ok, so I understand freaking someone out with a good ol' fashioned, BOO! but not with a cadaver in the picture!

Stacey, Elizabeth, Sara, Judy, Nancy and I are getting really tight. I really like the girls here, a lot. Still not a fan of the area but it is growing on me and I have found some nice areas.

Driving the minivan now,..lol. Man, I can't park/steer that big ass vehicle for crap!

+ H.U.M.A. @ 12:35 AM