The week got progressively better. I made a lot of friends and met a bunch of really cool people (ofcourse they are all upperclassmen,..what's with me and older folks?) The second and third years would come up to me in whenever i was studying on the couch in the main lounge area on the second floor, and introduce themselves or stike up convos etc. As for the ones I had already met, I got to know them a lot better. Dan even hooked me up with a bunch of his stuff from last year and he isnt even my BIG!

Today was an interesting day. I got a good amount of work done, had an interesting/bit disturbing/enlightening convo. with a friend (when it comes down too it, all my frustrations and commentary stem from the fact that sometimes it is very difficult for me b/c u are very diff. from other people, but as for who u are and what u stand for, I respect and luv u for it,..just try to understand where I am coming from. I'm sorry if u feel that I am being unjustified but as u said, u DO realize the position I am in), went to taco bell to grab a bit with L'mont, and got to know Javid a little better. He is definitely an interesting person. We spoke for a coupla hours and the things I learned about him were sooo out there. It's nice meeting new people and making new friends. He and Karriyah are taking me out next weekend to King of Prussia (hopefully) and to see the masjid in the area.

I really hope I do well on the exams this week.

I'm looking foreward to ISNA b/c its a great time and I miss my Boston crew, still the best :)

+ H.U.M.A. @ 4:03 AM

I don't know what the future holds and honestly I don't know how I'll feel in the future, but for here and now, this is what I need in my life. It gives me strength and comfort knowing that there is that 'something' in my life that I can rely on, to turn to and think about. Having a constant in my life allows me to get lost in my thoughts while at the same time remaining grounded with my feet firmly planted in reality.

Sometimes I wake up in the morning feeling one way but thru-out the day my mood and opinions fluctuate like a rollercoaster. Weighing the Pros and Cons, contimplating the endless possibilities while at the same time, focusing on the obvious obstacles standing in my way. Is it worth it? Do I even want to do this? It scares me to no end. How did I get here? Where am I going? And then I realize how much of my peace of mind and strength comes from it all and I recognize how lost I might be if it wasn't a part of me, atleast at this point in my life.

All this 'newness' scares me. However, I understand the necessity of it all. For me to reach the goals that I have dreamed of for so long I must face reality with my head held high. But I don't think that I could do this w/o that constant in my life. And even though at times it may be out of my reach, knowing it is there is enuf for me.

Thou there are moments where I question and inquire, please know that my FAITH and TRUST is genuine and sincere. I am who I am, for better or worse and I've got nothing to hide.

+ H.U.M.A. @ 11:12 PM

Downloaded the automatic Athan program bc I really want to try to say all my prayers as close to the prayer time as possible. Hearing the Athan is going to take some getting used to, I jump whenever I hear it b/c I am not used to it yet.

My apartment has finally come together. I am really happy with how it turned out. It is simply decorated yet it is elegant and warm. I love the place but I am still a lil iffy on the area. This whole area around here isn't the safest place but if I keep to myself in the complex and be careful that inshallah, everything should be fine.

I recently read a quote but I can't find it anywhere. It was about fearing Allah (swt) and how if one has fear in their heart for anything besides God, then it is as if they are not fearing God with all their selves. I think that concept in itself helps me to sleep at night, knowing God is protecting me in this ghetto area =)

Had a very interesting conversation last night with a good friend. It was about the political climate in the US today with regards to foreigners and muslims. I was very impressed with the numerous points he made. To be honest, there were many things that he said that I didn't even know about. It makes me feel ignorant that I don't realize the extent of the problem, and feel a bit ashamed that foreigners feel so unwanted and are even afraid in my country, a country that is supposed to represent a diversity of cultures, beliefs and religions.

Went to Philly on Friday. The Dean organized a catered luncheon at the Mutter Medical Museum. He talked to us about being a doctor in today's world and all this other stuff. Then we got to explore the tiny museum. It was the most disturbing 30 minutes of my life. The museum consisted of preserved fetus's in containers with extreme deformities (I couldn't believe some of them,..it was disgusting and made me want to hurl and cry at the same time). A few things were interesting but I have no desire to EVER EVER step into that place again. Just thinking about it makes me shudder.

This weekend was semi-productive. I did what I wanted to do but I feel that I could have done it in a more aggressive way. For example, instead of just reading 50 pages on boring biochemistry and kind of breezing over paragraphs that seemed to involved and confusing, I could have taken notes or looked things up. I'm not to worried though. I know once I get a bit more settled, I will be a lot more productive.

I was missing boston so much yesterday. I was talking to Umbar about it. I kept thinking about how much I LOVE the fall when everyone comes back to school, moves back into their new places and you run into people u haven't seen in months. Then, the MSA organizes a dinner at Marche's where we all meet up at the CC on a nice, cool, fall evening and caravan into Boston. I really am going to miss those outings and just the fall at Tufts in general. Katrina says she has been feeling the same way lately. It's those summer/fall cool, breezy nights in Boston,...they are what makes Boston (for me) so amazing.

I miss my friends and I miss certain people in particular. It is really hard and sometimes I want to just give up but then I think about how happy I am to have certain people in my life and I realize that I NEED them in my life.

Watched S&TC reruns last night. I really love that show. It is like a release for me. Curling up in bed with my laptop and watch episodes late at night.

Yesterday was pakistan independence day. I got an email from both hashmi sisters (and I sent them both one as well as tooba, amir, usman, azlan, my family in PK) as well as some jerzey pakis. Pakistan Zindabad!

Unaza showed me this pakistanimusic.com site that is great. I didn't even know about it and had been using dishant.com which is maddd ghetto. Unaza is a cutie. On my past trip to Boston we realized that we had quite a bit in common. I look at her like a lil sister that I have to take care of.


This song blows my mind. I listen to it over and over, everyday.

Addat, Jal

najane kab seumedain kuch baki hein
mujhe phir bhi tere yadkion ati he
najane kab se

door jitna bhi tu mujhse
pas tere mein
ab tu adat se he mujh ko
ase jenee mein

zindagi se koe shiqwa bhe naheen he
ab tu zinda hoon mein is nee
le asma mein

chahat ase he ye tere barhti jae
ho ahat ase he ye tere mujh ko satae
yagein ghere hen ye kitni dil doob jae
ur ankonn mein ye gham nam ban jae

ab tu adat se he mujh ko ase jene mein
sabhi yadien hein
sabhi batein hein
bhula do unhein
mita do unhein
ab tu adat se he mujh ko

+ H.U.M.A. @ 1:13 PM

Today was my third day of class. Right now I'm attempting to do the reading for Physiology and Biochem and I am completely lost. This stuff is really overwhelming. I, honest to God, I don't know how I'm going to do this. My BIGGEST regret is not having taken these courses in my undergrad. Of the 89 people in my class ONLY 7 haven't taken these courses in college, including me. The material is sooo dense and it is as if the books are written in some foreign language. 'Submandibular ganglion and via postganglionic fibers to innervate the submaxillary and submandibular glands while the pterygopalatine ganglions send the postganglionic fibers to the lacrimal glands whereas the glossophayngeal nerve,....' Uhm,....it's my third day.

I really want to succeed and make it as a physician and do well in med. school. I'm here to study and not socialize and I am determined to succeed but I don't think there are nearly enuf hrs in the day to understand or even read about this stuff.

Had our first lab today. Each week we are paired with another classmate to do the lab on eachother. We use eachother to learn about the human body, how certain muscles and bones feel and move, etc...I requested to be paired with only girls for the labs bc apparently some of them get pretty 'hands on.'

I start my preceptorship next week. I hope it is a good experience.

Medical School is No joke.

Had a long talk with Fas today regarding all this. He is a lot like Usman in the way he communicates and responds to people. Very diplomatic, and straight-foreward.

Sameera Iqbal (Boston Council) called me yesterday to invite me to her wedding next week.

+ H.U.M.A. @ 10:19 PM

Today was my first day of classes. It was a really long day and I was exhausted from my trip this weekend but still the day turned out as well as it could have, given the circumstances (8 hrs of science related classes). I really like my classmates and I actually am enjoying the subjects we are studying thou it is quite overwhelming and there is so much info. to comprehend and apply. I hope to inshallah stay focused and on track but I didn't come this far for nothing.

This weekend was great. It was so nice going to a familiar place and seeing familiar faces of people I care about so much. I felt so comfortable and at home, yet it was still a bit different and I know that that feeling will only intensify as I start to become more attached to my new life here. I missed my friends so much and going out to dinner n karoake with them, going on a late night drive around boston and spending QT with people I love,...I really needed that.

You don't realize just how much you love and appreciate someone or something until it is no longer in your face or in your reach. I don't think that I took things for granted, not at all. I was/am very much aware of how fortunate I am but still, being without makes me value and love things that much more.

I can't explain this feeling but all I can say is that I am so lucky to be where I am today. I'm following my dreams, I have amazing people in my life that I love so much, I have actually found honesty, trust and comfort in others (which is something I hadn't found), I have everything I could ask for, and above all, I have God looking out for me and His strength to help me move foreward in life.

+ H.U.M.A. @ 11:02 PM

My horoscope today:

Greetings Huma --Here is your horoscope for Tuesday, August 3:Your focus has shifted to your internal self -- so hiding out is probably your activity of choice at the moment. Don't worry about becoming a hermit. This, too, shall pass. For now, indulge yourself.

Wow, that sounds about right. I've been trying to figure out things in my life and organize my thoughts so I have been, for the past few weeks, been keeping to myself and not socializing much.

Second day of orientation down. I've met a lot of really nice people in my class. We are a class of 90 who is going to be spending almost everyday in every class together for the next 2 years so we are probably going to become very close, according to the upperclassman. The second year students are really cool and my BIG, Mohammed Islam (could his name get any more Islamic?) is maddd chill. Went out to lunch with he and his friends and their freshman b/c we each have a BIG from the 2nd yr who shares common interests with us. Mo is really funny; he reminds me EXACTLY of the kid who goes to Jumma who works at espresso's pizza in Medford.

Been eating such unhealthy food b/c that is what they have been serving to us every day since Saturday. Pasta, pizza, subs, cakes, pastries,..ugh. I hate when I fall off my cycle of eating healthy. I'm also joining the Echelon gym on Thursday. I want to get onto a strict workout routine of atleast 4-5x's a week. Inshallah I will be able to discipline myself to do so.

I'm so happy they picked Stacey on Who wants to marry my Dad? on the finale yesterday. It was so touching that I actually teared up a lil when he proposed to Stacey (it's so sad that I'm so into reality tv).

Stacey, Sarah Khan, Nancy, Shania, Anya, Danesh, Ram, Dilip, Nisha, Ryan, LeAnn, Latoya, Leah, Angela, TJ, Pete, Brena, Randy, Cassandra, Jason, Julian, Dare, O.b, Lisa, Artis, Erika,...

these are the names of the people I have familiarized myself with soo far, not bad for the second day.

+ H.U.M.A. @ 11:20 PM