Had an amazing 4 hr conversation w/ Omar last night. Even thou we don't talk THAT often, whenever we do we have the greatest conversations,..he has been such a great friend since the day we became friends 5 years ago. I'm truely grateful for the consistency of our friendship,..

His Logg entry:

I just had the greatest conversation with one of my best friends, Huma, for the past like... 4 hours. Huma is a senior up at Tufts in Boston, so obviously she's not the girl next door, but we've known each other for almost 5 years now. We don't really get to talk very often, maybe once every couple of weeks (read: months), but when we do talk, it's as if though time had waited for us.

She's one of the few people who knows basically Everything about me, but I trust her with my life, so it's not even an issue. If you wake up early enough, you may get in line just in time to see Huma before the sun sets. This woman is in HIGH demand (read: men would kill their mothers for this). But, while this is true, there's really no point in developing the courage to go for it because she's already not interested. Sorry gents...

Huma's going to kill me for putting this up, but... frankly, it's out of my control. Sorry babe :) (picture of me)

Had a LONG LONG online convo. w/ kyoko,..she is soooo cute. She had her virtual camera thing up so I could see her and her mom,..I miss them both so much, :: sigh ::


Went to Visit Diah at Sci-Tech,..my poor baby is overworked but fortunately she just finished her paper and after a few errands, is planning to go home and pass out for the rest of the day

Went ot Soundbites w/ Nik today,..the food there is tooo good.

Plan to go hardcore on my symmetry final project sstarting tonight,...Halligan for the next few nights,...

Been kinda =( lately,...w/ stupid drama of the past few weeks, some physical stuff, and the fact that I am so close to leaving my life here at Tufts for good, I can't help waking up every morning feeling a bit helpless,...and I hate feeling that way.

+ H.U.M.A. @ 5:08 PM

Went to lunch w/ Muz today,..we went to Cheesecake Factory in the mall,..my treat,.even thou he was arguing against it the whole time,..finally he let in,..I had had it in my mind to take him out for lunch just as a gesture to help him deal w/ his stress and also b/c he claims that we NEVER chill mono-y-mono. It was nice talking to him in a different setting from the MU.

I went to see Hana's documentary screening today even thou she and i are not on the best of terms,..I knew it was something that she had been working very hard on all semester and I knew that she wanted the moral support of her friends,..I was really impressed w/ the documentary,..it was about Homelessness in Boston and Muz was pretty much the star of the documentary,..I am so impressed w/ all that Muz has done w/ respect to this,..helping to establish a walk-in office in SOmmerville for homeless individuals to help them find work, shelter and whatever else they might need,..that is really commendable.

Huge project coming up, 1 take home final and one final exam,..not to stressed about anything except the project.

This morning I was sitting in math class trying to stay awake and I accidently kicked my jumbo size cup of coffee that I had so strategically placed on the floor in front of my foot,..the damn thing went flying and splattered all over,..well,..atleast it woke me up

This weather is kinda bringing me down,...rain when you don't want it, sucks. I love rain when it's during the summer time and its a beautiful evening with warm rain and a wonderful breeze and you have no where important to go and ur outside with a friend (s) just getting soaked for no reason. I kinda wish I could be in Boston this summer,..oh well.

+ H.U.M.A. @ 10:22 PM

Yesterday was chill,..not as exciting as I had hoped for but pretty productive w/ respect to work that I had to do,...

Ceci just called me to ask if she could borrow my car,..is she kidding me? I barely speak to her and when I do she always pisses me off b/c she is so damn opinionated,...

Hana is coming back to today w/ Joana,..At this point, there is not much I want to do about the situation other than just letting it ride out,..Honestly speaking I don't feel like I really have much control over the sitatuon w/ these girls,...it's funny how much people change.

Muz is crzy stressed about his thesis and research stuff,..it's weird seeing someone who is ALWAYS ontop of his game kinda unnerved and stressed,..inshallah everything will work out for him,..he said us going out to lunch w/ help out the situation so we made plans to go to Tip top tomorrow for lunch,...I think I could eat Thai food everyday for the rest of my life.

Azlan called me last night,...I was pretty surprised seeing as how we don't really talk to eachother that much but he said he just randomly thought to call and say hi,..he's a nice, sincere guy.

I think I need to do 'me' for the summer,...scratch out the drama, socializing, etc,...and just enjoy my summer doing things I like to do,..maybe take up a few hobbies of mine and what not,..

+ H.U.M.A. @ 4:43 PM

Cristina googled me and my blogger came up,.stupid me for having my name in my blogger,..I wish there was a way to erase what's already been posted but I cannot do so w/o erasing everything,..

Weather has been pretty nice the past week or so,..unfortunately my mood hasn't been along the same lines,...I think a lot of my feelings of being unable to check people and drop people who I truely feel are selfish, undeserving individuals, is due to the fact that I am afraid to break ties w/ only 3 weeks left of college,..

Went shopping w/ katrina yesterday and bought some sexy lingerie,..I do know why it's such an obsession of mine (esp. b/c according to cristina, 'woman,.no one sees it but u!') but even so,..it makes me feel good when I wear nice stuff like that.

i love Kat and Cris. They are 2 solid people in my life right now and I am really grateful for that.

I wish I could just go out and do something irrational and spontaneous,..but what? 'n' w/ whom?

Diah's research presentation thingy is on Monday,..my girl is stressing like what,..inshallah she will blow them away.

Sitting in Usman's room workin on my Urdu final while jim, amir, nik and zaid watch the SoxYanks game and Usman is out and about running errands. I'm going to miss this room and this house. The boys are moving in a few weeks.

+ H.U.M.A. @ 5:39 PM

So I got a call from my dermatologist's nurse b/c she was checkin' up on me to see if I was 'emotionally ok.' Apparently most patients at this stage of the treatment have emotional swings and experience depression some even to the point where they contimplate suicide,..kinda scary

I've not been comfortable in my own skin the past few days,...Sh*t with people here is just really getting to me,..I’m really tired of everything,..I don’t understand what is going on,….I'm trying w/ Hana but I feel like she is just assuming that everything is just peachy w/ us now,..I appreciate her efforts but I don't like feeling pushed,..Alana bitched me out today,..got into an arguement w/ Muz last night where he claimed that I just get mad at him for no reason all the time,..I dunno,..I really just want out,...there was a point where I was so afraid to move on and leave Tufts but that feeling has changed,...while I know that I am DEFINITELY going to miss my life at Tufts and my relationships w/ my friends,. It's time to start a new life, make new friends and apply what I have learned over the past few years thru my experiences at Tufts,..I am still very much attached to people here but I can feel that it is time to move on,..from everything.

He never fails to let me down,..whether it be acting upon a promise immediately, later that same day or w/n a few days,..it means so much to me that he actually hears what I say and/or follows thru with his own statements,...I think it's one thing in my life right now that keeps me at ease,..knowing there is someone I can always count on,...

+ H.U.M.A. @ 3:00 AM

It's 4am and my computer is finally back up and running,..and quite smoothly I might add thanks to Usman and Shaq. I'm lucky to have such caring guy friends, even if they do constantly tease me but I figure it's their ill way of showing their luv and affection so I don't take it to heart =)

Talked to Hana today about the whole situation,..while I'm really glad we talked (b/c it allowed both of us to say our peace and get over the anger/frustration towards one another) I'm still quite hurt by her and I told her that I'm going to need to figure out what to do about the situation b/c I am not willing or ready to just throw in the towel, plaster a smile on my face and pretend like I don't mind at all. I'm really disappointed in a lot of things that have happened btwn me and some of my friends here and Tufts, however on the other hand I'm really grateful for the intensity of the bond that exists btwn me and a few people here as well,..

Everyone's discussing graduation, senior week, last 1 1/2 weeks of college ever,....it's quite overwhelming for me but such is life.

+ H.U.M.A. @ 7:07 AM

The situation btwn me and Hana has gone from bad to worse,...I can't deal w/ this nemore,..I'm so tired of her thinking everyone is against her whenever someone comments on something she says or does,..the shit she pulled the day b4 my birthday was foul, now this,..and she had the audacity to throw stuff in my face,..I'm so annoyed/hurt that I don't even care at this point,..let her move out,..

Ok, so I understand that I need to be patient and respect the situation and that is exactly what I plan to do (and have been doing) but I can't deny the fact that it kinda sux,..I mean, it's my last month at college and things can't be the way I really would like them to be for uncontrollable circumstances,..but as I have admitted before their happiness is mine

The weather this weekend has been amazing but I haven't done much of anything and what I did do kinda sucked,.dinner w/ the girls on friday was just 2 hrs of tension and bad food,..saturday night bowling,..no one was really into it,.today Usman tried to fix my computer but was unable to b/c I'm missing some disks and that really sux but I was looking foreward to having my computer up and running tonight,..=(,...On a positive note, I managed to find a beautiful, affordable Gala dress but I need to get a black cardigan for it which shudn't be a problem.

Mom 'n' Dad came yesterday for a few hours,..we went to Daba for a quick bite (Usman's suggestion). My parents loved the food. The took a good amount of my stuff home but I still have a room full left over.

I ate so much this whole week,...gross,..back onto exercising and eating right for me.

Sometimes I just want out,..end this and start over,.Tabula Raza,..no attachments, no memories, no history, no emotions, nothing holding me back from starting fresh,...sometimes I'm so tired of it all,..I guess it's my time to move on but there is one thing that I can never bring myself to want to let go of,..a 'sign' maybe?

+ H.U.M.A. @ 1:43 AM

I regret telling people certain things about my life,...I regret having ever opened myself up to certain people and exposing my true feelings,..I regret showing my insecurities and weaknesses to people b/c all they do is turn around and throw it back in my face.

Umbar's away message:

FEMALE PRAYER:
Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend.

MALE PRAYER:
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store.

Not COMPLETELY true but funny none the less.

I miss Kyoko,...she has been leaving me very sweet, nostalgic messages,...I miss my friendship w/ her,...she is so genuine and sincere and accepting,..

This week was an interesting week,.went to the mall yesterday which was a nice change,...CAW and Islamic Awareness Week this week so these past few days have been kinda hectic, w/ my 2 midterms and my presentation but Allah Ka Shukr it all went well,...Hill Hall gurls wanna go out tonite for dinner,..we've been planning it for a while,...this should be interesting,..

My computer is completely shot to hell,..I'm over being frustrated,..I just don't care now.

Muz is taking the MCAT's tomorrow,.inshallah he will rock them

+ H.U.M.A. @ 7:27 PM

Yesterday was my 22nd birthday and it was great,..from the moment the clock struck midnight on thursday my phone started ringing endlessly and IMs were popping up continuously on my screen,..it was soo overwhelming but so sweet and made me feel so loved =),..then a friend of mine made such a sweet gesture that it caught me off guard and I didn't know what to say (which is probably a nice change from my feisty, talkative ways =p,...onto the evening,.my girl Nik organized a huge get together w/ most of my Tufts friends (26 to be exact) to have dinner at Den's cafe (Thai food,.YUM) followed by bowling,..sitting at dinner looking up and down the table at my friends made me really appreciate each and every friendship that I have made at Tufts,.I am honestly soo lucky to have been blessed w/ such an amazing group of individuals,..Alhumdulillah, each person has genuinely contributed to my happiness in one way or another and for that, I will always be grateful,...the PICS from last night are posted (or will be within a few hours) at my site for everyone to see.

It's weird how I can't sleep comfortably in my own bed,...I used to be able to but now I just toss and turn restlessly all night,..i wonder if it is the bed or it is infact something else =),...

This week is Children's Awareness Week and Islamic Awareness week and I have a midterm and a HUGE presentation and quite a bit of HW,..Ay ya! (nikki =)

I don't want to forget the peope that contributed to my happiness last nite so,..Nik, D, dewi, Katrina, Cristina, Alana, Iris, Nikki, Debbie, Hana, Ana, Maliha, Sahar, Basma, Muz, Usman, Amir, Shaq, Sunny, Claudel, Neel, Aeric, Nisha (for stopping by pre-dinner),...I luv u guys =*)

Had an great online convo, w/ a friends brother today,...there are some really amazing people in the world whose words/actions are so genuine and warm that you can't help but feel =) eachtime you interact w/ them,.May God bless them

+ H.U.M.A. @ 2:59 AM

I’ve always been so affected by how my peers perceive me,..I don’t know why but their opinion of me has quite an impact on my opinion of myself,..I often admire those individuals who exude confidence (within limits ofcourse,..there are some people who are way too vain and confident for their own good and who need to realize that the world does not revolved around them). I definitely think that I have a lot more confidence in myself as opposed to my high school years yet I often wonder how people perceive me and I focus on my words/actions wondering if I handled a situation in the best possible way. It’s almost as if I’m acting but not intentionally,..I really want people to be happy around me and I love to make people smile and laugh,…At times I even find that I compromise my own comfort and happiness for the sake of others b/c I am so concerned with how they feel and think,..but I don’t look at this as an act of kindness,..I do it b/c I’m very cautious about making others unhappy,…I can’t walk away from someone who is upset or something that is not sitting well with me,…Even though I try to adopt a ‘w/e, screw them, that’s THEIR bad’ I always end up trying to fix things b/c I can’t ignore the fact that things aren’t ‘right’,…

There are very VERY few people in my life that I can completely be myself with,..I think only 1 not including my siblings and even then I keep some thoughts/feelings to myself for fear of being rejected or looked down on for my non-conventional way of thinking,..

I have sooo many friends,.male and female alike,..but are they really ‘friends?’ or just people who happen to be in my life at a given time and who I share some things in common with?

I don’t think I’ve ever REALLY connected to any 1 person in my life,..whenever I get close to someone,…for whatever reason (usually distance) that connection gets lost somewhere in the process and then I begin to wonder,..were we ever REALLY that close to begin with? It’s sad how my closest friends growing up are people I barely talk to anymore,…I often fear that that will be the case after college,…w/ graduation only a few weeks away,..I can’t help but feel like I will have to let go of so many people that have, for the past 4 years, played such significant roles in my life,…I don’t think that it is me alone but a series of things that always lead to the same result, close close friends to just being acquaintances. This has even been the case over the course of these 4 years,…I barely interact with most of the people who used to live in my Hall freshman year and who I used to spend part of everyday with.

For the most part, I rarely if ever get upset at people. MOST of the time I am just messing with them, and when I do find myself getting annoyed and upset more frequently, I always need to step back and evaluate what it is that I am doing wrong b/c I have never been one to take things seriously and I hate that I have become more sensitive and emotional and ‘girly’ over the course of the 4 years,..oh well,..everything happens for a reason,..all I can do to appreciate what I have been blessed with and constantly make efforts to improve myself

Tomorrow is my birthday,..............

+ H.U.M.A. @ 3:42 AM

NE Zone Conference was this weekend,.alhumdulillah it went really well. The committee worked very hard and their efforts did not go in vain. Some people at the conference behaved in a very disappointing and selfish/demanding way which really surprised me coming from them,..However, I did make friends w/ some amazing sisters so that was pretty cool =)

Had a talk w/ a friend but I don't think what I was trying to say registered with him. Hmmm,...

The underside of my car is hanging and loose,..I don't know why I have such goood luck w/ my car,..I was pretty upset but I got over it quickly after some reassurance from Usman that it was not such a big deal.

Yesterday was a very productive day for me,..not only did I get work done but I got to spend time w/ some friends b/c Nik had a post conference dinner party. I really appreciated the gesture last night,..and even thou I like to 'complain' most of the time I just do it to irritate and push buttons. I don't feel that I am taken for granted by people but rather that I am more aware (then others) of the fact that I must work to keep my friendships alive b/c nothing is a sure thing. I think that is why I am so focused on the fact that only a few weeks are left b4 graduation,..I often mention it to those people who are close to me when we are talking. I really appreciate those individuals in my life who really take the time to HEAR me and understand me on a deeper level. Thank you baby for being you :)

+ H.U.M.A. @ 7:07 PM

APRIL FOOOOOL's DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I actually went to my EARLY morning class today =),..I was up at 8ish so I was like,.eh,.why not? How productive of me. Slept like 2 solid hours (maybe less last night) but it was totally worth it 'cuz I got to spend some QT w/ a favorite =)

Went to the salon w/ a friend today and ALMOST got full-hair highlights,..I was soooo close but then decided that the con's outweighed the pro's so I decided against it (yay,..mature thinking)

Tired but happy =)

'I'm gunna PIMP YO RIDE!'...damn, I need to get my lil girlie jetta pimped out,.haha,....

5 Hottest female celebs (in no order):

1) Angelina Jolie
2) Charlize Theron
3) Ashwariya Rye
4) Kate Beckinsale
5) Jessica Alba

Trend: Dark, exotic features =)

+ H.U.M.A. @ 5:03 PM