I always manage to walk away from a situation like that second guessing my self and my original beliefs,..sometimes I just think things are meant to be a certain way,..things have changed,..people have changed and life goes on,..but then I get a crazy slap in the face/wake up call which makes me think this COULD actually happen,...i HATE when I don't have things figured out properly in my head

Went to a kosher chinese restaurant last nite,..the food was pretty good,...was going to do something afterwards but no plans ever got formed so I just went with Usman to drop off D

I have sooo much work to do today,.I hope today is a productive day for me

+ H.U.M.A. @ 12:15 PM

So I'm back at Tufts,..the car ride up with Muz was a lot of fun,...man o man,..he is such a crackhead

I really enjoyed being at home,...but I'm glad to be back,..being at home was WAY to much socialization,.even for me!

I loved how my Boston friends came to Jerzey,.it was great having them over,.my family really enjoyed them and it was nice mixing the two groups,..I was also glad to have finally gone to Muz's house,...I guess we are even now =)

Sometimes I just write things here not thinking that people are actually going to read it and check me on it,..it's like an online diary I just write in everyday about whatever and whoever,...hmmm,..I gotta be more careful

Shiraz is getting married in a few days,..I'm honestly really happy for him,..he deserves to be happy and I pray inshallah things work out

I have a few interviews lined up,.I pray to God I get in to one of these Med schools

+ H.U.M.A. @ 7:23 PM

Eid was mashallah very nice,..all I did ALL day was EAT!!!! Ugh,..seriously,.I don't think I've ever eaten soo much unhealthy food in 1 day,..bleh,..oh well,..it's Eid,..I had to make an exception =)

It' s really annoying me how everyone is asking me what I got on my MCAT's,,..I'm a fairly open person about grades and results but I just don't feel like sharing my scores this time and I wish people would respect that.

It was nice seeing Omar last night,..I missed talking to him

DAMN,..all those paki girls/guys who were soo young and small last time I saw them have GROWN UP!!!! I didn't even recognize most of them,...wow,.the girls all are soo beautiful and the guys are like men now,..damn,.it makes you feel so old.

+ H.U.M.A. @ 3:18 PM

Eid Mubarak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's soo nice to be able to celebrate Eid with my family and friends in Jerzey

+ H.U.M.A. @ 9:36 AM

Well,.I am back in Jerzey,..it's sooo nice to be home,..good food, loving family who love to joke with eachother, my bed,..I really really needed this,..the drive home wasn't so bad,.I made it in 4.5 hrs w/o speeding (that was hard but I controlled my speeding) =),...nani is sooo cute,...when we came inside the house,..she embraced me with a big huge and 5 kisses on each of my cheeks (now that's love right there) and in her most adorable effort to speak english,.she said,.."hello,.welcome home',..awwwwwwwwww ::sigh:: she is so cute I could eat her up =)

Yesterday was really nice,..Julia's mom made AMAZING food for iftar, then we went to marcello's on Newbury for Usman's bday,.the food was great,...then we all went back to the MU to just chill and watch a movie,...I love my friends at Tufts,..they are such sincere, fun people,..all of my friends,..not just the desi crew,..after that I went to a friend's house to just kick it and chill till the mornin' light. There is nothing like just being able to lazy around w/o saying much of anything and still have the most enjoyable and relaxing time,...I guess some people are just good like that =)


I can't wait for Eid,..I miss celebrating Eid with my family =)

+ H.U.M.A. @ 2:13 AM

So,..this week has officially been the most ::SCREAM:: week. Let's start off with my lil hacker issue,..I was sooo worried about losing all my info. saved on my account as well as my account but thank God I got it back

Then,..Katrina and I got into a fight and we NEVER EVER get upset with eachother. I also managed to get pissed at Hana and Cristina this week. ::sigh::

Then there was my useless drive to CT at 6:30am yesterday to appeal my 300 speeding ticket only to have it knocked down to 200 by an obnoxious district attorney,..useless trip

Today I got my car towed from Harvard Sq. THERE WAS NO VISIBLE sign! I was really upset about it and the lady at the lot was SUCH A BITCH!!! Hana even said to her, "U fat, ugly bitch, what goes around comes around." And then I, for no reason, got upset at Usman for just giving me advice and crackin' a joke about the whole thing to help calm me down,..Ugh,..what is wrong with me? Why the hell have I become so sensitive and on edge? =*(

Diah, Hana, Uzana, Rafeya, Nik and I are all just chillin' right now,...it's nice

+ H.U.M.A. @ 4:40 AM

I am SOOOOOO friggin' (Hana's word) tired,..it was such a long day and I just got home from workin' at the Brew. I really don't have much to say,...

I really have got to stop saying things b4 I think them thru,..I tend to say things sometimes I don't want people knowing (not about other people, stuff about myself) =(
I think sometimes I get caught up in a conversation with someone and then I just say things not meant for their ears,..::sigh::

So,.Special Sauce (Muz's IM bball team) beat two teams today in the playoffs so now they are in the finals,.that's sooo hot,..I LOVE watching guys ball,..I'm the manager of their team,..yay me =)

So I ate this AMAZING piece of caramel apple crisp cheesecake,.it was the best cake I've ever had....unaza, rafeya, lauren, katrina,.everyone at the Brew ate it b/c it was so good,.yummy =)

I really like the name Giselle,..if I could name my daughter that I would,..maybe I'll get a cat and name it that instead

+ H.U.M.A. @ 4:52 AM

It's almost 2am in the morning and I'm planning on going to bed soon (after I say my Isha prayers) but it's probably not going to happen b/c Im on the phone with Katrina. I have to wake up at 6 am for my 9 am court date in Connecticut. I'm kinda nervous but more than that it's just an inconvenience in my busy day,..but NO COMPLAINING so it's fine,..I'll get thru it Inshallah.

So, yesterday was I was driving on 95 w/ Katrina, I almost got into a potentially very serious accident that wouldv'e set my car spinning into a divider,.it really shook me up. Allah Ka Shukr it was avoided but damn was my heart beating like crazy afterwards.

Ok,..everyday on Naseeb I get like 15 messages from random muslim guys trying to pick up girls. The messages are SOOOO sad,..like,.here is an example,.."wow your hot, wanna be my friend?",...uhm,.SLICK

I have quite a bz 3 weeks ahead but I am surprisingly quite relaxed,.I'm really looking foreward to going home...I miss the whole jerzey crowd,...

+ H.U.M.A. @ 4:20 AM

Today is Usman's 24th birthday so we surprised him with a cake (which he was totally expecting) but newayz, I'm really glad he appreciated all the gifts so much. =)

Today was a hectic as hell day but it started out well,..I got my account back thru MSN (allah shukr),...and then Katrina and I went to Acton for our CD final project. It was fun working with the kids. Katrina and I had an interesting conversation in the car about a certain friend of mine who lately I've been really annoyed with and distant with,..Katrina was trying to help me figure out why I was feeling this way. I love this friend of mine so it's bothering me that I'm feeling like this =(

I've decided that I LOVE omelettes,..they are the BEST (yummy)

Well, it's almost fajr time,...I guess that's all for now

+ H.U.M.A. @ 7:25 AM

Well my day started out great and relaxing but it didn't end that way. Some guy hacked into my hotmail account and took it over, threatening to delete it if I didn't send him the pin to a calling card (uhm,...) Yea, so I was really upset about that all day b/c all my important documents and info. are on that account,.I hope I get it back =(

But no more complaining for me,..I realize that I complain so much more lately and I hate that b/c I was never a complainer,..I think it has a lot to do with certain circumstances and that it is only temporary but none-the-less,..I should stop doing it so much (althou if I'm really bored and want to be entertained, I don't think that counts as complainin')

So apparently there are some words that I don't say properly (ie: really, seriously, water),..I've always said them the same way but ppl here love to make fun of me for it,..hmph

'this time, all I want is you, there is no one else, who can take your place...take me away, I've got nothing left to say, just take me way'~Lifehouse

+ H.U.M.A. @ 6:38 AM

So I just got home and it's 2 pm,..missed my class (again) but it wasn't my fault!

I had a disturbing dream last night and it was just like Katrina's disturbing dream,..it's her fault I had that dream,.had she not told me about hers I probably wouldn't have had mine

Was very productive last night and got a lot of work done

Best sleep in a while, all comfy and relaxed when I awoke, didn't want to get out of bed =)

+ H.U.M.A. @ 5:19 PM

It's almost 6 am. I had a pretty good day. Spent a lil much needed quality time with a very close friend, worked at the Brew, did some work, and chilled with people in the MU. Had a nice little convo. w/ Zaid's friend, Sonny,..nice guy.

Tried cooking shami kebab's today but forgot that I didn't have a meet grinder so now I just have a lot of keema/daal, but it's fine b/c I need to the meat.

One of my closest friends just got mad at me today for I'm not sure what reason. I'm so tired of people being so sensitive. It's like you can't joke w/ certain people anymore. One minute the two of you are having the greatest time laughing together and the next you are not on speaking terms,.that really upsets me.

I can't wait to be back in Jerzey. I miss my house, being in my city, hangin' out with my desi people, and most importantly being around my family,...

+ H.U.M.A. @ 8:49 AM

I hate this about myself but sometimes I just sit there and watch really fat people eating really unhealthy food and wonder how come they don't try to stop and recognize how bad it is for their health. Do they not care or would they rather just deal with being fat? I don't know why I am so focused on weight,..but I am. I don't think it's an obsession but it is definitely something I am always conscious of. Maybe it's b/c I was chubby years ago and I hated the way I looked then so now I won't let myself get like that again,...or maybe there are other reasons,...who knows,...all I know is,..I eat properly and exercise and I wish my friends would realize that instead of thinking I am not treating my body right,....

Neways,...so yeah,..I'm kind of in a blah mood right now,..I have so much work to do for the next few weeks,...I'm also a bit disappointed but what's new.

On a happier note,..having a great convo. online with a friend and talking to my fav. tufts chica Kat on the phone at the same time,...

+ H.U.M.A. @ 5:05 AM

It's 3 am and I just finished chatting online with this really nice Pakistani guy. He is good friends with a friend of mine. It's like a breath of fresh air, talking to someone new. Really great, outgoing personality and he is from Jerzey (brownie points right there) =)

Anyways, so I wanted to go the senior pub night tonight just to be around my peers. I heard it was a lot of fun. I never ever go to these things but I think I should, atleast once, just to hang out with all my fellow seniors.

This whole med school thing is always on mind. God,..I pray that I get into a good medical school.

831,...still,..Man,..I must be crazy or something b/c it randomly pops into my head like now,..

Yay,..Muz passed round 1 of his interviews,..He's so smart that kid,..it was frustrating how lil effort he USED to apply and still do sooo well but the truth is,..he's determined, crazy smart, and he deserves it,...He has honestly been one of the most genuine and caring friends I have ever had,...I sincerely hope our friendship lasts for years to come.

+ H.U.M.A. @ 6:17 AM

It scares me how much you know about me. My secrets are no longer my own. Now they are ours....
Why have I showed so much of myself to you? After fighting it for so long I finally let my guard down, opened myself up, let myself feel and luv and cry,
But as I sit here I can't help but wonder, did I make the wrong choice? Have I given to you what you were never meant to have,..what you were never meant to know? The thought haunts me, consuming me.
The truth lies along future's path, but is that path "ours" to travel side by side or will we walk it alone, wondering....

Aside: Sonny, Zaid's friend brought me a Krispy Kreme donut, how cute.

+ H.U.M.A. @ 3:10 AM

It's almost 6 am on Wednesday morning,..I was about to fall asleep, so comfortable and warm in the bed,..so tempting to sleep,...but I'm glad I decided against it. I have to register in 2 hours and I haven't even picked my courses let alone been cleared.

My sister and I were talking about how cute Diah is. I really like her new haircut. It compliments her features very well. I hope she finds an amazing Muslim guy with nice hands (lol)~Our never ending list,..HAHAHA

I have such a bz few weeks left it is not even funny. I feel bad for Usman,..someone stole his backpack that contained a lot of important things,..that sucks man,...but he handles things so well when bad things happen,..I really admire him for that

Muz has an interview tomorrow in the great city of NY. Inshallah he will rock it

I feel a sense of comfort,...like the night on the beach,...cool breeze,...sand in your pocket,....sparkle in ur eyes,..the smell of the ocean,...I love the ocean,....(sorry,..poetic moment)

+ H.U.M.A. @ 8:49 AM

My siblings are gone =(. They left early this morning (well, technically it's already Monday so early YESTERDAY morning). I'm really glad they came. We needed to spend some time together. I'm especially glad that Faisal really liked my friends and visa versa. Although my sibs and Usman played a dirty little trick on me that almost sent me to tears (not quite), it was really nice spending time with everyone together. We went to Penang's and saw Matrix Revolution. I liked this one better than the first two.

I'm really glad Faisal got to meet my friends. I've been explaining things to my parents and him for so long but for him to see and hear it first hand is so much different ::sigh::

I've been working on applications for hours. This is SOOO depressing!!!!!!!!!!

I hope Usman and Nawaf rock their exam tomorrow (today) Inshallah they will.

+ H.U.M.A. @ 4:33 AM

It's 5 am and I just got back from Ihop with Umbie and Fas (my siblings), Amir, Usman and Zaid. Everyone was so tired but it was still a nice outing. Right now my brother is passed out b/c he hasn't slept in days (poor thing). I hope that this weekend is relaxing for both my siblings,..I think they both need a break from their hectic lives,.....

::smiles:: 4 u

+ H.U.M.A. @ 8:03 AM

It's 4 am and I just finished doing my laundry, showering and cleaning my room. Im sitting here now with a bad case of the hiccups =(

I miss home,...I miss my friends back home and just chilling with the aXm crew (lol). I miss my Nadu, laylee, bingo (humie), tbear, devil,..etc,...hmmm,..I am really looking foreward to going home for thanksgiving,...but I have a lot of work before then but I'll get thru it (inshallah) b/c I have something to look foreward to.

I hope my siblings have a good time this weekend.

Hana is SOOO CUTE!!! She is the MOST emotional person I've ever seen when it comes to sad movies. We watched Fried Green Tomatoes last night (Muz was supposed to watch it with us but apparently it was too much of a 'chick flick' (why don't u males explain to us females what exactly defines a 'chick flick'?!?!) ANY-WHO, so yeah,..I LUB that movie and Hana was like, 'HUMA, why did you make me watch this sad movie?' =)

You know who's really beautiful? Angelina Jolie, Katherine Zeta Jones, Ashley Judd
and Handsome? Arjun Rampal (my net boy,...lol Cristina/Tica/Liz,..link: http://www.geocities.com/arjun_photos07/arjunfine.jpg (ur welcome), Richard Gere, Antonio Banderas (to name a few =)

I know,...So random but that's how my mind works (still hiccuping btw,..ugh,..it's making my stomach hurt,..BLEH!)

+ H.U.M.A. @ 7:05 AM

So inshallah my siblings will be arriving this Friday,..I am really looking foreward to spending some time with them,..it's unfortunate how little time the three of us get to spend together,...also, I want my brother to meet my friends (and he wants to meet them as well).

I'm in a much better mood today,..for many reasons,..some more than others
(You are too much sometimes, but still i luv ya) =)

+ H.U.M.A. @ 5:47 AM

I resolved issues with a lot of people today so I'm glad about that (it's a shame I had so many issues to resolve in the first place). I'm glad for all of the discussions but there is one person in particular whose friendship means a lot to me and not being on 'normal' terms with this person was really setting me off track. Our much needed discussion has really helped me put things in perspective and eased my mind about some uncertainties I was having.

I also went shopping with Nik today (I love that girl) and we had a house meeting to address the ever-present issues in the Muslim Unit,.inshallah we won't be having any more problems.

+ H.U.M.A. @ 8:04 AM

I'm so worried about this whole Medical School deal,...I pray to God that I get accepted into a good school in the US.

Claudel took me out to dinner last night to catch up,..it was really nice,...he told me some stuff that upset me a bit but I just swallowed it and smiled,..I miss the Hill Hall group,...we were all so tight and now some of us barely even speak but I guess that is how life goes,....out of sight,..out of mind...........I wonder if that will happen when I leave,...I hope that it doesnt with certain people here that I care about a lot and are very close to

I tried to set things straight and approach the people that I was individually having 'ish with yesterday,..I'm tired of feeling upset and sad,...but more than that, I hate how I have become so sensitive,..this is so not me

I debated over discussing things with a certain person yesterday,..I went back and forth deciding if it is even worth it or it will just leave us in the same place as we have been,....I say the same things to Katrina about her issues with some of her friends,..after a while you begin to realize that no matter how much you want a situation to be different, it can't be, atleast not now and that's a reality that is hard to deal with.

+ H.U.M.A. @ 4:00 PM

I worked at the Brew today, then went to prayer and iftar, then a VERY intense ICC (Islamic Center Committee) meeting, then the Brew again, then the gym and finally I went to the video store and purchased 8 movies to add to my collection. Anyone who knows me KNOWS I collect movies; I own about 40-50 movie so it's not that big of a collection but it is getting there.

Some people in my house are really insensitive and entitled,...it's frustrating having to deal with all these issues but I'm still really greatful to be living in the MU,...On that same line,.yesterday I decided that Hana, Nik and I (and I told my family as well) should make a conscious effort to stop complaining about ANYTHING and really take the time to recognize and appreciate all that we have. Alhumdulillah, we are all SO fortunate and often times we forget that,.....Also, I've stopped cursing since Ramadan began,...I don't curse too often but even a little is more than I would like to. Inshallah I will succeed in accomplishing these goals.

+ H.U.M.A. @ 3:03 AM

I'm confused about things still,..I tried talking about it with my sister a little while ago but I still feel completely lost,....hmmm,..I dunno what to do about it anymore,..Faisal and Umbie are inshallah coming up this weekend,...I am really looking foreward to spending time with my siblings,...

I've become a lot more sensitive about things,..this is something I'm not really happy with. Little things people say and do bother me and they never used to,..I think I am just frustrated about things and I'm not dealing with them in the best way but I'm really trying

It's beautiful outside,..I wish I could sleep on the beach tonight, listening to the sound of the waves crashing with the amazing breeze rushing thru me,...I wish I was anywhere but here tonight

+ H.U.M.A. @ 3:21 AM

I was really upset today. So many people were pissing me off and getting to me. One of my closest friends was acting so uncharacteristic and that completely threw me off. Then I had some issues with some of the people who live in the Muslim Unit with me. Then some of my girlfriends were saying such stupid things and acting so obnoxious. I can usually let all of these things slide but for some reason it was sticking today.

On a happier note,.my brother did really well on a really REALLY important exam and that brightened my day. I love my brother so much.

For Halloween I went to see Mystic River. It was a pretty good movie but kind of twisted. I kind of miss Halloween. It was so much fun getting dressed up, going to Halloween parties and trick-or-treating thru the streets of Short Hills.

A good friend bought me a gift today. My tv remote has been busted but I kept forgetting to get a new one so it was a very thoughtful gesture.

I'm now on the phone with a friend trying to straighten out some of this drama,..I'm so tired of drama,....

+ H.U.M.A. @ 4:53 AM